All I Want for Christmas is Freedom from Crippling Debt
It's okay to say "Ho, ho, NO" this holiday season.
Hello, and welcome to “Cyber Monday,” an occasion invented by Big Retail for the sole purpose of getting you to spend any money you may have left after “Black Friday” (I’m sensing a theme here) on YET MORE holiday gifts, decor, and doo-dads for your friends and family and partners and co-workers and staff and neighbors and your kid(s) teacher(s) and maybe even your pets if you are that kind of person.
(I am totally that kind of person, and my spoiled trash cats are looking forward to their annual tube of fancy veal paté landing any day now.)
Anyway, it’s a lot.
The year-end pressure to spend “because it’s the holidays” can drive you and your bank account right around the bend—and for what? So Best Buy can crush their Q4 profit margins and your Uncle Leo can unwrap another Bluetooth device he neither needs nor knows how to use?
Folks, I believe this is precisely the scenario the phrase “Bah humbug” was invented for.
But look, I’m not trying to go full Scrooge here. I enjoy gifting and being gifted! Shopping can be fun! Generosity is a beautiful trait in a human! I just don’t think we need to treat big spending as a seasonal fait accompli—especially if and when keeping up with the Holiday Industrial Complex may be doing you more harm than it’s doing anyone on your gift list good.
You being able to pay rent in January is more important than Leo adding a wireless waffle iron to his collection, is all I’m saying.
Anyway, I could devote 1,000 words to the scourge of capitalism and the systemic oppression of entire societies in the guise of “must-have” “essential” “perfect gifts for everyone on your list,” but that seems kinda heavy for a Monday morning.
I could also dash off few pithy tips (as is my wont) for reducing your spending and saving your sanity during the holiday scrum, including the “One and Done” method employed by the Knight family, wherein the designated elf (my mom) draws names from a hat and assigns each gifter a single giftee, and we each purchase ONE gift for ONE person, instead of all of us shopping for the NINE other adults that comprise our family unit. Kids under eighteen get a pass (and a $50 gift card from Auntie Sarah) and we manage to have a lovely Christmas gathering without the equivalent of the GDP of the Federated States of Micronesia sitting under a tree in my aunt and uncle’s living room. Imagine that.
But to be honest, I don’t think you need old Scrooge McKnight to tell you how to spend less time, energy, or money between now and the New Year.
You’re a smart cookie. You know that whipping up a triple batch of homemade gingersnaps and parceling them out to your loved ones is bound to be cheaper than merely setting foot inside Target, no matter the season.
You understand that a single group gift for your officemates could not only save you money, but also the time and energy that dwindles from your precious Fuck Budget as you cruise the aisles/surf the web in search of thoughtful, individual gifts for seven people you don’t even know that well. What is Marcia in Marketing’s last name again?
(Related: I’m offering a 30% discount on group subscriptions to No F*cks Given® from now through Christmas Day, because I, too, am a mere cog in the capitalist machine. Pro-tip: subscribe for yourself + Marcia et voilà, you’re a group. Win-win!)
And if you’ve been paying attention to prior editions of this newsletter, you know that ‘tis ALWAYS the season for a new Personal Policy that could be applied across all manner of holiday expenditures. To wit:
“I have a personal policy against purchasing gifts for toddlers—or anyone likely to grow out of, lose interest in, or completely forget about the existence of said gift within two weeks.”
“I have a personal policy against using wrapping paper, ribbon, tape, and gift tags that will cost me fifty dollars and five hours of my life and wind up in a landfill by Tuesday.” (Multiply the damage by eight if your family celebrates Hanukkah.)
“I have a personal policy against attending holiday parties. Instead, I use the time I would have spent dressing up, making small talk, and transiting to and fro to finish up my work commitments for the year so I can actually take a goddamn break at the end of it all.”
No, my festive fucklings. You don’t need me to explain any of that.
What you need—and what I am positively overjoyed to be able to offer—is PERMISSION to opt-out of whichever parts of “because it’s the holidays” you so choose and FREEDOM from any guilt whatsoever about doing so.
As such, please repeat after me:
“My Fuck Budget is mine to do with as I please, today and all year round.”
If you want to spend your time, energy, and money on heaping helpings of holiday cheer, then by all means, fire up the dreidels, ladle out the ‘nog, and make it so!
But if you want or need to dial it back a bit for the health of your mind, body, and/or bank account, that’s okay too.
It is totally acceptable to not buy stuff you can’t afford, not travel to places you don’t have the vacation days to use up on, and not participate in activities you have neither the time nor inclination to join just because: HOLIDAYZ.
I promise angels will not lose their wings. The global reindeer population will not go hungry. Elves will not murder you in your sleep. (They have better things to do too.)
And of course, you don’t really need my permission at all. But if it helps you to be able to tell your sister that “Sarah Knight said I don’t have to spend twenty-five dollars on an itchy wool monstrosity and three hours traipsing around in the freezing cold just because you decided to have an ‘ugly sweater caroling party’ this year,” then please feel free to forward this email in its entirety or adapt its underlying message to suit your needs.
Consider it my gift to you.
Good luck out there, folks! The elves and I are rooting for you.
A bit about me: I spent 15 years as a book editor in NYC before quitting that career to pursue a freelance life (a decision that involved a lot of red wine and a lot of tears). In 2015 I had the idea for my first book, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. And people loved it, so I kept writing! Today my sweary self-help series includes Get Your Shit Together, Calm the Fuck Down, Grow the Fuck Up, and more, with 3 million copies in print all over the world. You can also find me on Instagram, where my content skews tropical (in addition to quitting my job, I quit New York entirely and moved to a small fishing village in the Dominican Republic), plus food, cocktails, travel, and cats. So many cats.
All I want for Christmas is for you (Sarah Knight) to join my work zoom calls and tell people no. Am I the only one???
So much agreeing. And so many options. I grew up with the over-18 name draw (and kids gifts were capped at $10 because huge Catholic-Italian extended family). And it was great. When my kids were young and religion was still a factor in my life, we had the 3-gift rule. (Hey! It was good enough for Baby Jesus, right?!). We did the same 3-gift rule at Easter too instead of candy baskets.
I have a policy against sending Christmas cards, family Christmas photos, or annual newsletters.
And in recent years, we have done away with obligatory holiday (and birthday) gifts altogether. We give, but we only do it when the inspiration strikes.