Make it a “Personal Policy”

A set-it-and-forget it way to define and defend your boundaries.

My fearless fucklings, I have some news: in refining my goals and plans for this new venture, I’ve decided on a regular feature I think you’re gonna like. I was going to call it “MOTHERF*CKING MONDAYS, AMIRITE?” but I decided that might be a little too harsh on your spam filters.

So for now we’re going with the less glamorous but equally serviceable: “NFG Tip of the Week.”

Aaaaaanyway…

• PAID subscribers will be getting a tip email EVERY MONDAY. Huzzah! (Free subscribers always get my monthly-ish NFG Newsletter, and occasional other posts.)

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Sometimes it’ll be a single, laser-focused tip like today’s (see below) and sometimes a jaunty listicle, depending on my mood. Sometimes both! In any case, NFG tips are drawn from my whole series of bestselling sweary self-help books, and cover topics such as:

• How to set and achieve your goals

• How to set and enforce your boundaries

• How to build confidence and shut down the haters

• How to manage anxiety and solve problems instead of making them worse

• How to become more self-aware, resourceful, responsible, and other strategies for successful adulting

Folks, I’ve got tips on tap for surviving the holiday season; being on time all the time; making up and/or breaking up; tips for perfectionists and tips for total fucking disasters alike.

We’ll begin with a classic.

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NFG Tip: Make it a “Personal Policy”

One of my all-time most popular boundary-setting strategies comes from my first book, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck.

Personal Policies are an incredibly useful way to say a one-time, one-size-fits-all No thanks to something you not only don’t want to do, but in fact will probably NEVER want to do. Such as, perhaps, attend a toddler birthday party? Instead of hemming, hawing, and tying yourself in knots to craft a custom decline every time, just say “Ah, unfortunately I can’t make it. I have a personal policy against going to toddler birthday parties.”

No muss, no fuss! (Unlike toddler birthday parties, I might add.) Other things you could develop a personal policy against include but are not limited to breakfast meetings, costume parties, dating anyone born before the year 2000, or participating in 5K “Fun Runs.”

With a PP in your back pocket, you don’t have to keep explaining yourself or making up new and different excuses when faced with the same type of request, offer, or invitation. (Frankly, I don't think you should have to explain yourself or make excuses anyway—No being both a complete sentence and an acceptable answer—but I know how it is out there.)

Another benefit of a personal policy is that is sounds so “official,” people tend to respect and accept it more than your average no. They’re like Wow, she has a policy about toddler birthday parties? Must be serious history there. I guess I'll leave that alone.

I myself have one against consuming Bacardi light rum and no, I am not going to tell you why. Suffice it to say, nobody harasses me when I bust out that particular personal policy, and we all just get to keep on living our lives.

It’s a pretty neat trick.

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A bit about me: I spent 15 years as a book editor in NYC before quitting that career to pursue a freelance life (a decision that involved a lot of red wine and a lot of tears). In 2015 I had the idea for my first book, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. And people loved it, so I kept writing! Today my sweary self-help series includes Get Your Shit Together, Calm the Fuck Down, Grow the Fuck Up, and more, with 3 million copies in print all over the world. You can also find me on Instagram, where my content skews tropical (in addition to quitting my job, I quit New York entirely and moved to a small fishing village in the Dominican Republic), plus food, cocktails, travel, and cats. So many cats.