What's it Worth to You?

How to stop undervaluing your time and expertise - and say perfectly reasonable No's to UNreasonable asks.

Once upon a time before I became an internationally bestselling “anti-guru” and Mistress of No, a woman who knew I was a book editor pitched me on her manuscript while we were in line for the bathroom at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

AND I GAVE HER MY CARD AND SAID I’D TAKE A LOOK.

I would never do this today, but that’s not because people have stopped being cheeky little pushers; it’s because I’ve honed my ability to push back. And when I read this bit in

sam baker

’s post last week on how to determine your own value, it set my internal boundary alarms a’clangin’:

I am often asked (actually, let’s call it what it is, expected) to do something for nothing. To share the skills and experience it to took me thirty years to acquire. To advise. To judge. To mentor. To sit on boards. And, in the main, I do it. I even—often—pay my own train fare. 

I decided right then and there that my next missive would be in service of neutralizing this all-too-familiar scenario, and putting my favorite fucklings in a position of strength.

As such, today we’re talking about how to handle it when you’re asked to provide—for FREE—services related to expertise/talents/knowledge/experience for which you normally receive monetary compensation.

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For my part, I spent fifteen years as a book editor at major New York City publishing houses and I’ve been an author myself for another eight, so much of the professional expertise I get asked to provide has to do with “getting one’s book published.”

When it’s an easy answer, I’m [usually] happy to oblige. Asking my opinion about two literary agents who are interested in repping your book proposal is one thing; asking me to help you write your book proposal and give you a list of fifteen agents it might be right for is a whole other bag of ferrets.

Why? Because reading, editing, and doing market research on books is something I get paid for, and my particular level of experience and skills is worth a lot.

Your skills and experience might lie elsewhere. Say, accounting.

Do you want to have lunch with Marco’s dad from your kids’ Pee Wee hockey league and explain to him the seven million steps necessary to form a 501(c)(3) under US tax code?

Maybe, maybe not. If the answer is yes, I hope you at least get a really good steak out of it. But if the answer is Not really, then you have every right to politely decline.

Why? Because your time is valuable, and so is your expertise. I’m no accountant, but that math makes sense to me.

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Speaking of valuing one’s work—if you like what I’m doing here, consider becoming a paid subscriber to No F*cks Given®. We have fun!

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The way I see it, there are two issues at play here:

1. HOW you value your time and expertise.

2. How you UPHOLD that value—by saying no to flat-out favors or undercompensated opportunities when the numbers don’t lie.

To the first point, you need to know your worth. Don’t be shy! How much do you normally get paid for an hour of your time, or by the project? How much does a “real” client compensate you for your services?

For example, if you’re a piano teacher who charges $100 per hourly lesson, that’s your baseline dollar value and you shouldn’t go below it (at least not with any regularity; more on that in a bit).

Next, consider that “value” can be more than monetary.

Let’s say your cousin asks you to donate—for free—an hourlong lesson to their charity fundraising auction; and for you, there’s real value in the personal satisfaction in having done a good deed, so you say yes.

Lovely! You’re a real one.

Just keep in mind that in the above scenario, that hour you donated to charity is an hour during which you can’t take on a paying client. Which means that if you’re constantly saying yes to working (or judging, mentoring, or sitting on boards) FOR FREE, then you are not only devaluing your expertise by a thousand cuts—you are seriously cutting into the time and energy you have to spend on ACTUAL MONEY-MAKING OPPORTUNITIES.

And that’s no bueno.

I understand it can be tough to make these calls—especially when it means rejecting a good cause or disappointing your cousin, whom you quite like—but sometimes saying No is necessary to hold the line on your bottom line. (Not to mention your mental health, but that’s a post for another day.)

If you’re having trouble summoning that pesky two-letter word, it may help to think of it this way: