Zip Your Lips and Other Tips for Adulting Like a Pro
It's never too late to grow the fuck up (and have fun doing it).
My fabulous fucklings, did you know it has been ONE YEAR since my last book, Grow the Fuck Up, came out? Typically, in Sarah World that means there’s another one hot on its heels, but instead this year I took a burnout break and…started a weekly newsletter?
Hm. Perhaps I didn’t think that through.
Coincidentally, this week also marks SIX MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS of life-changing advice delivered straight to your inboxes. If you’re new here, check out the NFG archive for fun and practical tips drawn from my bestselling series of sweary self-help books, collectively known as the No F*cks Given® Guides. If you like what you find, I’d love to see you subscribe. We have fun here.
As for today, in honor of Grow the Fuck Up’s first birthday I’m offering a smattering of tips to help you get through life like the Total Fucking Grownup (TFG) I know you can be.
The book itself is divided into three parts: Maturity, Responsibility, and Accountability. Within those sections I discuss self-awareness and self-control, becoming more independent and dependable, and how to own up to your mistakes and step up to fix them.
(Oh: and learn from them SO YOU DON’T MAKE THEM AGAIN. Total pro-dult move.)
Here are a few nuggets of adulting advice from GTFU to get you started—or to share with a sibling, child, or ex who needs them more than you do. Lord knows they’re out there.
1) Silence is golden.
You already know you ought to be out there saying Please and Thank you—that’s Politeness 101. But a really neat grown-up trick is being polite without saying anything at all.
Think about it: Actual Babies babble and scream no matter who has the floor; Big Fucking Babies leave their ringers on during movies and talk over you in meetings; and even Theoretical Adults sometimes can't resist whispering to a neighbor. (WE CAN HEAR YOU, MARSHA.)
But Total Fucking Grownups? They’ve perfected the silent treatment: they don’t interrupt; they listen when others are speaking; sit still when people are performing; and zip their lips when Auntie Sarah is clearly pausing for effect and not looking for input from the crowd. (Much appreciated!)
This tip comes from the chapter called “Mind Your Manners,” and it is literally the easiest way to show off your adulting skills, show respect, and get respect in return.
All you have to do is...nothing.
2) Do you kiss Beyoncé with that mouth?
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