Sure I've told you this before but I keep reminding myself of it. Last year during an especially rough patch of demands on my fuck budget, I was sobbing on the phone to one of my wisest friends. I felt pulled in so many directions, everything and everyone was draining me, and I was feeling cranky, obligated, guilty AF, and full of self-loathing for not making things better.
"Levitate" she said.
Say what now?!
"Levitate. Come on, I'm concentrating REALLY HARD, I believe you can levitate"
Torn between hysterical laughter and tears, I responded 'i don't think it works like that's
"No? Get outta here! My thinking and saying you will levitate ISN'T successfully making you levitate?! Well who'd thunk it?!"
Right. Got it. No one else can make me do things or feel things.
Like I said, she's wise.
Thanks as ever for your magnificent Substack. It reminds me how to say NO.
At work, my team has fully embraced the "No Theme of the Month". There was NO-vember, Deny-December, I can't remember January, Fuck No February (yeah it was a rough month), and this just reminded me that a March theme is needed.
See my team is made up of 2 people (me as the manager and my teammate). We can literally only do so much as a team of two people. So I've gotten really good at saying "No, we don't have capacity to take on that work" or "Sorry, we won't be able to handle this for you but we did create this guide that will help you through the process."
All done kindly and directly typically results in "ok" or "that stinks but I totally understand" type responses. Still we are people pleasers at heart so it's a constant internal battle we deal with.
The trick is, as you’ve said, *recognizing* those people-pleaser tendencies so you can rationally tell yourself “This is just my inner people-pleaser talking. I know it’s not the end of the world if I can’t/don’t want to do X and people will understand.” (And if they don’t understand, refer to the end of today’s post 😂)
As always, priceless advice.
Thank you!
Sure I've told you this before but I keep reminding myself of it. Last year during an especially rough patch of demands on my fuck budget, I was sobbing on the phone to one of my wisest friends. I felt pulled in so many directions, everything and everyone was draining me, and I was feeling cranky, obligated, guilty AF, and full of self-loathing for not making things better.
"Levitate" she said.
Say what now?!
"Levitate. Come on, I'm concentrating REALLY HARD, I believe you can levitate"
Torn between hysterical laughter and tears, I responded 'i don't think it works like that's
"No? Get outta here! My thinking and saying you will levitate ISN'T successfully making you levitate?! Well who'd thunk it?!"
Right. Got it. No one else can make me do things or feel things.
Like I said, she's wise.
Thanks as ever for your magnificent Substack. It reminds me how to say NO.
Now THAT’S a great friend to have! And thank you for the kind words about my Substack—I appreciate it!
She is indeed a GREAT friend ❤️❤️❤️
At work, my team has fully embraced the "No Theme of the Month". There was NO-vember, Deny-December, I can't remember January, Fuck No February (yeah it was a rough month), and this just reminded me that a March theme is needed.
See my team is made up of 2 people (me as the manager and my teammate). We can literally only do so much as a team of two people. So I've gotten really good at saying "No, we don't have capacity to take on that work" or "Sorry, we won't be able to handle this for you but we did create this guide that will help you through the process."
All done kindly and directly typically results in "ok" or "that stinks but I totally understand" type responses. Still we are people pleasers at heart so it's a constant internal battle we deal with.
I love this—it sounds like you’re nailing it! 🎯
The trick is, as you’ve said, *recognizing* those people-pleaser tendencies so you can rationally tell yourself “This is just my inner people-pleaser talking. I know it’s not the end of the world if I can’t/don’t want to do X and people will understand.” (And if they don’t understand, refer to the end of today’s post 😂)
And now I’m trying to think of a March theme…
Beware the Ayes of March
PERFECTION!