I’m an extrovert who gets energy from being with others, however I still need ‘white space’. I absolutely love it when my husband and kids are all out of the house at the same time 😆
Absolutely this! I thought I was way more sociable in my 20s but turned out I was just drunk. 🤣 Now I'm in my late forties (and can't handle the hangovers) I have embraced my introversion. I love my own company and that of my (also introverted) partner. I do like going out and seeing my friends and family, and am chatty and lively - an introverted gobshite - but what they don't always understand is that I then need to be alone for three weeks before I'm ready for another stint.
I read something the other day that rocked my world. On a thread someone was asking, 'do you enjoy your own company,' and an extrovert answered, 'I can be alone for about two hours before I need to seek out company'. 👀 OMG.
This just made me realise we are like difference species - one breathes air, the other lives in water. Neither of us can really understand how the other can survive living how they live! But if we tried to live like the other does, we would soon wither.
My GOD, do I ever resonate with this post. I've always been an introvert (like, I'd stay home from high school basketball games to write), and though during college and my crazy 20s I went a little nuts and was out all the time, I have totally and completely embraced my introversion in my late 40s. I'll be 50 next year. I'm divorced, and broke up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the year, and have decided I will never, ever, EVER live with a man again. I crave my solitude and my space and I NEED IT like I need water to live. I'm entering my "no fucks given" phase of my life and I absolutely love it.
Ditto that one! Do I ever relate. I think I'm probably an 8.5/10 for social muck. And like you, I don't like people for the most part either. I have always been this way since I was a kid, so I really think it's a natural thing. I think of it in terms of being always "on" like extroverts seem to be, as not being always "off" , I just choose to spend my energy on myself. Stingy and selfish? Maybe. But I know that I am taking care of myself which in turns allows me the gift of self. I married another introvert, we were perfectly suited for each other.
Thanks for this, I think I probably needed this reminder today.
Thank you for the perfect script for trying to explain my extreme need for alone time to my extroverted partner. Being an introvert often feels as socially unacceptable as being a night owl who doesn’t mind leaving dirty dishes in the sink. (Check and check.)
Yes! I am also not a morning person, and often feel like people judge me for preferring to sleep in and not schedule appts and meetings in the morning. But if you think I’m antisocial now…just try talking to me before noon 😂
My God, are you singing my song. I wrote a post a while back called Embracing Introversion. I talked about how I used to think that because I COULD be social, that I SHOULD be social. Thankfully, I’m past that now. An excerpt: “To be clear, I’m not antisocial. What I am is fauxsial: I fake being outgoing. I’m very good at it—haven’t been found out yet—but it’s exhausting. It’s as if my life-force is being drained from me one meandering anecdote at a time.”
Omg! I remember even being a kid at school thinking 'it's so tiring being me, I have to put on this outgoing face for everyone'. I'd buried that memory. You put that so well.
“I simply do not like most people”. I relate to this STRONGLY 😂😂 And have gone through the various am I the problem??? Are they the problem??? What is wrong with me??? Nah, turns out I’m just very good with my own company and like tons of alone time. Punctuated with times of strong socialization skills, but on my terms and timetable 💃 In summary… I don’t fit into any boxes, and I love that!!! 🙏💛
Good for you! It's funny because I am a product of one VERY extroverted, social family (my dad's side) and one DEEPLY introverted, largely antisocial family (my mom's side), and for like 30 years I thought I took after one of them, when it turns out...I'm really the other. LOL.
My therapist asked me today, "What have you been doing to take care of yourself during [all this shit that's been going on]?" and I literally said, "Um, I've been doing a lot of 'lying down alone in a dark room.'"
All those check boxes!!! I love my home, my dogs, my serenity, my remote if and when I choose to use it, my thermostat, my king-sized bed, my beautiful backyard, my fireplace. Aaaaah.
Honestly a huge pro of no longer working in an office environment is that I don't have to exhaust myself just *existing* around other people. It's hard to imagine how I was able to function at such a high level for so long - I really don't think I could go back to it now that I've tasted the freedom of freelancing...
I remote work now and I love it. My older sister, on the other hand, NEEDS other people around her. She hates remote work. I spent most of my pre- thirties life living in her shadow and trying to be like her, which I now know was impossible because ... I am not her. I love being alone. I love remote work.
I wish I didn't spend so much of my younger life measuring myself against my sister. But at least I understand now.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, she's incredible, I have so much respect for her (she pretty much saved my dad from death a couple of years back) But I'm glad I have learnt not to measure myself against her anymore.
People can be 'good' at being with others and not necessarily like it or enjoy it. Most of my worst experiences have been in big group scenarios, a fish out of water, where there's too much expectation and then I SHRINK. I'm better with either someone to focus on or not being in the mix. And definitely need recovery time ("I can't people today, I peopled yesterday")
I’m an extrovert who gets energy from being with others, however I still need ‘white space’. I absolutely love it when my husband and kids are all out of the house at the same time 😆
I read this the other day (reposted by @bodytype) and although I don’t have kids, I could *extremely* relate… https://open.substack.com/pub/matriarchyreport/p/an-epidemic-of-never-being-alone?r=4iva&utm_medium=ios
I resonated with everything you wrote even though I didn't check off every item on the "you might be an introvert if" list.
Thank you for saying all these things! It’s nice not to feel alone in my aloneness if you get what I mean.
You are most welcome! I’m happy to be of service 😉
Absolutely this! I thought I was way more sociable in my 20s but turned out I was just drunk. 🤣 Now I'm in my late forties (and can't handle the hangovers) I have embraced my introversion. I love my own company and that of my (also introverted) partner. I do like going out and seeing my friends and family, and am chatty and lively - an introverted gobshite - but what they don't always understand is that I then need to be alone for three weeks before I'm ready for another stint.
I read something the other day that rocked my world. On a thread someone was asking, 'do you enjoy your own company,' and an extrovert answered, 'I can be alone for about two hours before I need to seek out company'. 👀 OMG.
This just made me realise we are like difference species - one breathes air, the other lives in water. Neither of us can really understand how the other can survive living how they live! But if we tried to live like the other does, we would soon wither.
So relate to this, subscribed
I’m so glad to hear it, thank you!
My GOD, do I ever resonate with this post. I've always been an introvert (like, I'd stay home from high school basketball games to write), and though during college and my crazy 20s I went a little nuts and was out all the time, I have totally and completely embraced my introversion in my late 40s. I'll be 50 next year. I'm divorced, and broke up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the year, and have decided I will never, ever, EVER live with a man again. I crave my solitude and my space and I NEED IT like I need water to live. I'm entering my "no fucks given" phase of my life and I absolutely love it.
I love this for you!
Thank you! It is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time!
Ditto that one! Do I ever relate. I think I'm probably an 8.5/10 for social muck. And like you, I don't like people for the most part either. I have always been this way since I was a kid, so I really think it's a natural thing. I think of it in terms of being always "on" like extroverts seem to be, as not being always "off" , I just choose to spend my energy on myself. Stingy and selfish? Maybe. But I know that I am taking care of myself which in turns allows me the gift of self. I married another introvert, we were perfectly suited for each other.
Thanks for this, I think I probably needed this reminder today.
Glad I could offer some solidarity!!!
Thank you for the perfect script for trying to explain my extreme need for alone time to my extroverted partner. Being an introvert often feels as socially unacceptable as being a night owl who doesn’t mind leaving dirty dishes in the sink. (Check and check.)
Yes! I am also not a morning person, and often feel like people judge me for preferring to sleep in and not schedule appts and meetings in the morning. But if you think I’m antisocial now…just try talking to me before noon 😂
My God, are you singing my song. I wrote a post a while back called Embracing Introversion. I talked about how I used to think that because I COULD be social, that I SHOULD be social. Thankfully, I’m past that now. An excerpt: “To be clear, I’m not antisocial. What I am is fauxsial: I fake being outgoing. I’m very good at it—haven’t been found out yet—but it’s exhausting. It’s as if my life-force is being drained from me one meandering anecdote at a time.”
Omg! I remember even being a kid at school thinking 'it's so tiring being me, I have to put on this outgoing face for everyone'. I'd buried that memory. You put that so well.
It's such a relief when you figure out that no, you DON'T have to do that, isn't it?
"Fauxsial" - nice one! I'll have to go check out that post...
“I simply do not like most people”. I relate to this STRONGLY 😂😂 And have gone through the various am I the problem??? Are they the problem??? What is wrong with me??? Nah, turns out I’m just very good with my own company and like tons of alone time. Punctuated with times of strong socialization skills, but on my terms and timetable 💃 In summary… I don’t fit into any boxes, and I love that!!! 🙏💛
Good for you! It's funny because I am a product of one VERY extroverted, social family (my dad's side) and one DEEPLY introverted, largely antisocial family (my mom's side), and for like 30 years I thought I took after one of them, when it turns out...I'm really the other. LOL.
That’s hilarious!! 😂 So wonderful you’re embracing yourself!!!
Same! Need to lie down in a dark room after any social situation 😂
My therapist asked me today, "What have you been doing to take care of yourself during [all this shit that's been going on]?" and I literally said, "Um, I've been doing a lot of 'lying down alone in a dark room.'"
Thank you for the H/T Sarah! 🥰
All those check boxes!!! I love my home, my dogs, my serenity, my remote if and when I choose to use it, my thermostat, my king-sized bed, my beautiful backyard, my fireplace. Aaaaah.
“Serenity” is a great word 🧘🏻♀️
YES TO ALL OF THIS! From another flat-out antisocial. <3
Glad it resonated with you!
It’s like you’re reading my mind! 💕 My coworkers are always shocked when I tell them I am an introvert. “But you’re so friendly!”
I am paid to be nice to you people. And it uses up my battery to do it.
Honestly a huge pro of no longer working in an office environment is that I don't have to exhaust myself just *existing* around other people. It's hard to imagine how I was able to function at such a high level for so long - I really don't think I could go back to it now that I've tasted the freedom of freelancing...
I remote work now and I love it. My older sister, on the other hand, NEEDS other people around her. She hates remote work. I spent most of my pre- thirties life living in her shadow and trying to be like her, which I now know was impossible because ... I am not her. I love being alone. I love remote work.
I wish I didn't spend so much of my younger life measuring myself against my sister. But at least I understand now.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, she's incredible, I have so much respect for her (she pretty much saved my dad from death a couple of years back) But I'm glad I have learnt not to measure myself against her anymore.
It's so liberating to be able to be me.
Amen to that! I hear you!
People can be 'good' at being with others and not necessarily like it or enjoy it. Most of my worst experiences have been in big group scenarios, a fish out of water, where there's too much expectation and then I SHRINK. I'm better with either someone to focus on or not being in the mix. And definitely need recovery time ("I can't people today, I peopled yesterday")
Indeed, much like I was very "good" at being a worker bee, even though existing in corporate life made me feel like a cornered cat in the dog pound!