The Power of Negative Thinking
Finding motivation in the "Before" pic instead of fantasizing over the "After."
Greetings, my fabulous fucklings! I’m back from my hiatus, which included several highs (food, family, friends) and a few lows (my husband got sick; I was hit with some unanticipated medical stuff, which is a long-ass story for another day).
But on the whole, it was supremely restful to step off the weekly newsletter hamster wheel for thirty days, and I appreciate having had the opportunity to do so.
Thanks for sticking around!
We’re going to get back in the swing of things with one of my favorite takeaways from Get Your Shit Together: The Power of Negative Thinking.
(Incidentally, GYST is 20% off in hardcover from Amazon US right now; you can check it out here.)
The Power of Negative Thinking
Folks, I am a natural born pessimist. My glass is always half empty and my heart is never, ever full. If you see me use that phrase in an Instagram caption, you know I’ve been hacked. Or kidnapped and am signaling for help.
Anyway, this is how I have always operated and will continue to operate because, quite simply, it works for me.
Perhaps it could work for you too?
Joy vs. Annoy
First, a quick primer on the concept that underpins my whole NFG oeuvre: Joy vs. Annoy.
As per my NotSorry Method for Mental Decluttering, when one is ready to decide if one does or does not give a fuck about a thing/person/event/concept/etc., one asks oneself a single question.
And that question is not “Does it bring joy?” (h/t Marie Kondo, the OG declutterer), but rather:
“Does it ANNOY the ever-loving shit out of me?”
If the answer is yes, you may proceed to banish that thing/person/event/concept/etc. from your life. No fucks given. Not sorry. Very satisfying.
(For more on the Method and how to enact it without being an asshole, see the many free links at the end of this post. Boop.)
So, how does mental decluttering and fewer fucks given relate to getting your shit together, setting goals, and being motivated to achieve them?
I’m so glad you asked.
You see, there are many gurus out there for whom the word “aspirational” is a real turn-on. They want you to reach for the stars and push your limits and keep your eyes on the prize.
They’re all about chasing that “After” photo, aka JOY as motivation.
But me, I’m focused on the “Before” pic.
As far as I’m concerned, channeling my rage (or discomfort, disappointment, unhappiness, etc.) at the things that annoy the ever-loving shit out of me is the best pep talk around.
Instead of longing for what I want to be, I’ve found it’s more effective and invigorating to think about putting an end to what I don’t want to be, aka ANNOY as motivation.
Total game-changer.
In both The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck and Get Your Shit Together, I wrote about some of the Big Life Changes I made in 2015—going from corporate ladder-climber in New York City to freelancing in the tropics, with a shitload of lizards and two half-feral trash cats for company.
Which is totally my idea of a good time, BTW. Your goals may be entirely different, but you can reach them the same way I did—and it’s not by THINKING POSITIVE, GURRRL!!!
Nope. Fuck that noise.
I was sad and panicked and unsettled for a couple of years before making the big move(s) and it was, as we say in the Dominican Republic, no bueno.
But ironically, what finally helped me get my shit together and do something about it was when I took a long, hard look at the bad feelz, facing them head-on so I could uncover their source(s).
To that end, I did not spend my time fantasizing about the many, many pros of working for oneself in the Caribbean.
Instead, I spent it ruminating upon the HUGE FUCKING CONS of continuing to live my burnout-inducing, bullshit-mongering corporate life, complete with snowstorms, an entry that ranks very high on my “Fucks I No Longer Wish to Give” list.
It was scary and upsetting and not much fun at all, but I did it because I was, frankly, desperate for change, and I’d exhausted the benefits of my “just being unhappy all the time and wishing things were different” strategy. (There were no benefits.)
It may seem counterintuitive, but until I focused on the negative, I couldn’t find my way toward the positive.
Like, I didn’t really know what happiness was going to look like for me; I just knew I didn’t have it.
And I had no idea what freelance life or moving to a foreign country would entail, but I DID know that staying put and attending weekly marketing meetings and doing team-building exercises while shivering my titties off in the frozen Northeastern United States for another winter would definitely keep me miserable.
Once I worked through that logic (and a lot of Kleenex and red wine), I had two big goals at which I could begin to chip away:
To NOT be employed by a corporation
To NOT suffer through another winter like those puppies in the Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercials
With these tangible outcomes in my sights, I felt empowered.
And then I went about achieving them, step by step.
(Or small manageable chunk by small manageable chunk, as it were. Once again, see the end of this post for a link to THAT life-changing tip.)
So if some aspect of your life needs to change—and if daydreaming about a theoretical future of being, say, richer, fitter, or tidier hasn’t done wonders for your bank account, core strength, or the mobile laundry hamper that is the backseat of your car—perhaps you, too, could benefit from a different path toward problem-solving?
First, take that “After” pic off of your literal or metaphorical vision board. That’s decoration, not motivation.
Next, tape the [again, literal or metaphorical] “Before” pic to the wall. Stare at it. Meditate upon it. Contemplate its contours. Think about how it makes you feel. Get sad, mad, frustrated, or incandescent with rage. Whatever works.
Then harness the Power of Negative Thinking to channel those feelings into ACTION. One small manageable chunk at a time.
Eliminating the annoy was how I uncovered the joy I’d been missing out on for so long.
I’m telling you, it’s a neat trick.
Alright, phew, another NFG Tip in the books!
Once again, thanks for sticking around during my time away, and I hope all is well in your neck of the woods. (Especially those parents who have to deal with the chaos that is “back-to-school” season. I would literally perish.)
And remember, Get Your Shit Together is 20% off at Amazon for I don’t know how long, so if you want to get some holiday shopping done early, go nuts. I’m sure there are a few people on your list who could benefit from its teachings.
Love this Sarah👍Makes a lot of sense and I'm so glad you made it to the other side 😊 I've been giving far too many fucks recently.. must have a clear out! 😁
I’m sorry to hear about the unexpected medical stuff, Sarah, and hope everything is/is going to be okay.