What if There is Nothing Wrong with You?

A mindset shift to start your New Year off right.

Jan 01, 2024

Happy New Year, my fine feathered fucklings! I hope you enjoyed your transition into 2024, whether it took place whilst doing body shots off of a sexy dance partner or already blissfully asleep in your own bed as the clock struck midnight.

Here at NFG HQ, I’ve got all kinds of fun and practical life-changing tips to share with you this month, January being a generally accepted time to “get organized” and all that jazz. It’ll be a hoot!

But before we get to all the self-improvement and breaking of bad habits and setting of new goals, etc., etc., I wanted to open the annum with what I believe to be the biggest, boldest, best tip of all.

I hope you’re ready for this jelly…

Accept yourself before you wreck yourself.

Folks, I literally make my living writing books for people who want to make changes—whether they’re hoping to become more productive, set better boundaries, banish guilt, solve problems, manage anxiety, or whatnot. It does both my heart and my bottom line good if you decide you want me as your guide, and I take my responsibility to my readers seriously. (Not so seriously that I didn’t sprinkle 731 F-bombs into my first book, but still.) And at the end of the day, I believe that my work helps a lot of people.

That said, I don’t want you to run out and buy my books and take my advice just because it’s there.

Nope. I only want you to want me, so to speak, if you really, truly need me. And when it comes to making big changes to your life, behavior, relationships, etc. in 2024, the best thing you can do for yourself might be to realize you don’t need me at all.

It’s true.

So before you declare this your year of grand, sweeping change—and before you spend your time, energy, and money on my or anybody else’s strategies for accomplishing same—may I humbly suggest engaging in a round of something I call “mental redecorating?”

Mental redecorating is a process by which you take all of the stuff that your negative self-talk thrives on (or that other people denigrate/criticize you for) and attempt to re-cast it in a positive, empowering light.

This will ultimately help you focus on making change that actually improves your life in ways that are meaningful and satisfying, rather than making change just for the sake of it—or worse, for the sake of other people’s perceptions of who you are and how they think you should act and what you should want out of life.

I think of it as feng shui with a side of “fuck that shit.”

For example, let’s say you woke up this morning thinking Twenty-twenty-four is the year I will finally organize my home top to bottom!

Before you act on that resolution, you may want to pause and ask yourself if this is a change born of a real desire to be neater, tidier, and have that color-coordinated rainbow bookshelf you saw on all your friends’ Instagram accounts in 2020—or if you’re about to spend $1200 on plastic bins and a label maker just because you think you should want your house to look like an ad for The Home Edit’s Container Store Collection?

If going full Clea and Joanna is a change you really want to make (and a chunk of change you really want to spend), that’s fabulous and I support you 100%. I’m a rather tidy bitch myself.

But if a little mental redecorating is all you need to go from “I’m such a slob compared to everyone who posts carefully curated glimpses of their living rooms on social media” to “I’ll hate myself more in March when I realize I can’t keep this up and that it would have been cheaper and easier to just admit that rumpled beds and jumbled closets are my jam”—that is an equally acceptable outcome.

This mindset shift is about turning your “flaws” into strengths—i.e., realizing that you’re not “a disorganized slob,” you’re “someone who knows their limits”—and in doing so, accepting yourself for who you are instead of beating yourself up over who you most certainly are NOT.

Another example:

Are you thisclose to signing up for a 10-week course down at the YMCA on “overcoming introversion” just because other people have made you feel less than for preferring quiet nights in over loud fiestas full of stressors?

STOP. Mentally redecorate that shit!

You’re not “boring.”

You “lead a peaceful life.”

You’re not “anti-social.”

You “believe in preserving your energy for the relationships that matter most.”

You’re not “a sad lonely loser.”

You’re “comfortable in your own skin and enjoy your own company.”

And again, if you really want to learn to be more extroverted and have more pleasurable and fulfilling interactions with more people in 2024, then go for it. I love that for you.

But if a focused bout of mental redecorating helps you realize that being a homebody suits you just fine—and that there is in fact nothing wrong with your yen for solitude and nights spent solo on the sofa—then you just saved yourself ten weeks of self-recrimination and enforced small talk in a cinderblock room that smells like chlorine and corn chips.

Like I said: Accept yourself before you wreck yourself, my gentle fucklings. This is the way.

a yellow and white snake — Photo by Bozica Uglesic on Unsplash

So there you have it, my best advice for starting your New Year off right.

Before you go hard on all those resolutions, why not give mental redecorating a shot? Once you spruce it up in there and have a chance to view your life and self in a more flattering light, you may find that you don’t need to engage in quite so much grand, sweeping change after all.

And if, among all of your newly revealed strengths, you spot some shit that does stick out as well and truly needing an upgrade?

I’ll be back next week with my best advice for tackling it.

If you’re new here and liked what you read, check out my mantra for 2024 and this post about how I quit my corporate job and became an unlikely self-help guru. (And tell your friends!)

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