Girl, I have got SCRIPTS FOR DAYS. (My 5th book, F*ck No!, is essentially a compendium of scripts, and you get to fill in the blanks on your specific needs. Like MadLibs, but for declining to do shit.)
This great, but I also ask for advice on the flip side. I recently texted a college friend for a favor to talk to my recently graduated niece about her career as my friend works in a general field that my niece is interested in.
My friend hasn't replied yet (it's been a couple weeks). I've debated following up, but I don't want her to feel pressured into saying yes, but also I don't know if she just forgot.
To be honest, if I were you, I would just let it go. I suppose your friend *may* have just missed the text or forgotten, but I’m guessing it’s more likely they saw the request and thought “Argh, another thing to add to my to-do list? I really don’t want to deal with this right now.” And then instead of politely responding “I’m really busy right now, but has your niece tried [fill in the blank resource]?” WHICH IS WHAT I WOULD DO, they let it slide and now it’s awkward for everyone. If they decide to reply on their own, great, but otherwise, I say leave it alone. A single informational conversation is highly unlikely to change your niece’s life, but if she’s really intent on pursuing it, she could always try her school’s alumni association or other organizations that are set up to do career counseling. Or she could research the kinds of companies she’s interested in working for and see if they have any listings/contacts for summer internships or informational interviews, etc. I guess what I’m saying is: there are a number of ways for her to get the info she seeks, and they don’t have to come from her aunt’s friend as a favor. Does that help?
I. LOVE. THIS. POST. SO. MUCH. I needed this. Thank you thank you! One approach that I’ve tried in a few lower-stakes interactions (but have been too apprehensive to try with higher-stakes interactions) is this: When someone ask me to do something that stirs up total “obligation mode” resistance in me, I reply with, “I’m probably not the right person to help with this one. Who else have you asked?/What other options have you explored?” That puts the ball back in their court and often reveals that they pinned all of their hopes on me being amenable. What I’d like to have the courage to say is, “So, it sounds like you put all of YOUR ‘hope’ eggs in MY basket without consulting me. Do I have that right?” Ooooooh, the imaginary conversations that I have in my head while I’m showering!
This post came at exactly the right time! I was just stuck in an internal debate about a birthday party for a family friend's baby - and I've never even met this baby!
Brilliant.
Why, thank you! I aim to please 😁
So helpful to have scripts!!!
Girl, I have got SCRIPTS FOR DAYS. (My 5th book, F*ck No!, is essentially a compendium of scripts, and you get to fill in the blanks on your specific needs. Like MadLibs, but for declining to do shit.)
Everything you wrote? I have to agree.
Great minds… 😉
Sending this to SO many people!
Be the “No thank you” that you want to see in the world!
Just paying it forward 🫡
This great, but I also ask for advice on the flip side. I recently texted a college friend for a favor to talk to my recently graduated niece about her career as my friend works in a general field that my niece is interested in.
My friend hasn't replied yet (it's been a couple weeks). I've debated following up, but I don't want her to feel pressured into saying yes, but also I don't know if she just forgot.
To be honest, if I were you, I would just let it go. I suppose your friend *may* have just missed the text or forgotten, but I’m guessing it’s more likely they saw the request and thought “Argh, another thing to add to my to-do list? I really don’t want to deal with this right now.” And then instead of politely responding “I’m really busy right now, but has your niece tried [fill in the blank resource]?” WHICH IS WHAT I WOULD DO, they let it slide and now it’s awkward for everyone. If they decide to reply on their own, great, but otherwise, I say leave it alone. A single informational conversation is highly unlikely to change your niece’s life, but if she’s really intent on pursuing it, she could always try her school’s alumni association or other organizations that are set up to do career counseling. Or she could research the kinds of companies she’s interested in working for and see if they have any listings/contacts for summer internships or informational interviews, etc. I guess what I’m saying is: there are a number of ways for her to get the info she seeks, and they don’t have to come from her aunt’s friend as a favor. Does that help?
Tremendously! It's what I was leaning toward and doing, but have been overthinking it 😇 thanks!!
You’re welcome! As a lifelong compulsive over-thinker, I’m always happy to be able to save someone else from the same fate 😅
I. LOVE. THIS. POST. SO. MUCH. I needed this. Thank you thank you! One approach that I’ve tried in a few lower-stakes interactions (but have been too apprehensive to try with higher-stakes interactions) is this: When someone ask me to do something that stirs up total “obligation mode” resistance in me, I reply with, “I’m probably not the right person to help with this one. Who else have you asked?/What other options have you explored?” That puts the ball back in their court and often reveals that they pinned all of their hopes on me being amenable. What I’d like to have the courage to say is, “So, it sounds like you put all of YOUR ‘hope’ eggs in MY basket without consulting me. Do I have that right?” Ooooooh, the imaginary conversations that I have in my head while I’m showering!
If my imaginary shower conversations ever got out…hoo boy, I’d have some mortal enemies 😂
This post came at exactly the right time! I was just stuck in an internal debate about a birthday party for a family friend's baby - and I've never even met this baby!
I AM HERE TO SERVE 🙌