If You're Selfish and You Know It, Clap Your Hands!
You deserve a round of applause for looking after your own best interests.
My gentle fucklings, I hope you’ve been well. I have not! I was sick for eight days at the end of March, and now my husband has it, so everything in our household has slowed to a crawl. Hence, my longer than usual absence from your inboxes and today’s rather petite missive…
One thing I did manage to accomplish during my convalescence was re-reading my 2017 book You Do You: How to Be Who You Are and Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want.
Why would I undertake such a cringe task, you may ask? Well, we’re about to go into a new printing (yay!) and update the seven-year-old cover art to match the new series look (double yay!), which means I have an unusual opportunity to review the text and make some changes to keep things current.
On one hand, it’s a privilege to be able to revisit a published book and make changes—I do not take multiple printings for granted—but on the other hand, I can’t say I love re-reading my own work, especially in a few big gulps over a couple of days.
Ugh, so much of ME and MY OPINIONS on YOUR health and wellbeing! Who the fuck am I to wax poetic for 300 pages on the sneaky power pessimism, the perils of perfection, and the sheer liberation of letting your freak flag fly?
(As The New Yorker put it in their review, “Knight favors the shouty, super-caffeinated tone of a spin-class instructor,” and although I have personally never attended a spin class, I can’t say I disagree with their assessment.)
Aaaaanyway, the good news is, I didn’t find too much I felt the need to tweak.1 The whole book is, after all, about leaning into being unapologetically yourself—silly jokes, smart-ass pronouncements, and regular use of ALL CAPS included.
Ultimately, I was able to revise a few lines/passages that hadn’t aged well, and I took the opportunity to be more inclusive with my language throughout; but for the most part, I found that even if it was a bit cringey to revisit my own bullshit in large doses, I must say, I do stand by it.
Today, I thought I’d share one of the sections that jumped out at me upon re-reading and made me think Yup. #TRUTH.
In the chapter where I encourage readers to get comfortable with being more selfish, I wrote:
SPF HAPPY
The mental block that a lot of people have against being selfish arises because we think of selfishness in terms of taking away from others. So instead, let’s think about it in terms of preserving our own well-being.
Do you wear a seat belt in the car? Sunscreen at the beach? Do you go to sleep when you’re tired and drink water when you’re thirsty?
If the answer is yes to any/all of these, then you’re already a pro at protecting your own self-interests! You have to be selfish about this stuff, because unless you’re an infant or a billionaire with manservants attending to your every whim, nobody else is responsible for doing it for you.
And the same goes for protecting your happiness.
It’s wonderful to have relationships with friends, family, and partners where you make each other happy—but all I’m saying is, if you forget to put on sunblock, whose fault is it that you got burned?
So, consider this a wee Tuesday reminder that you’re in charge here.
You get to set your own boundaries and direct your own destiny.
You have to look out for Number One, not only because it’s your responsibility, but because it’s just good sense.
And if doing so makes you “selfish” in the eyes of your more people please-y peers, then so be it. You can rest easy knowing you’re doing your best to keep your Fuck Budget (and your sanity) in order, and they can talk about you behind your back like god intended. Win-win!
Until next time,
Sarah
PS: For more pro-selfish propaganda, check out my post “Good Selfish vs. Bad Selfish,” or pick up a copy of You Do You. I’ll be back with more when the plague has left my household. Cover your mouth when you sneeze, folks!
"Good Selfish" vs. "Bad Selfish"
Greetings, my fabulous fucklings! As many of you know, over the last ten years or so with my No F*cks Given Guides, I’ve been on a mission to destigmatize the act of being selfish.
Assuming he reads my newsletter, that noise you just heard was my editor breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I also use ALL CAPS a LOT to EXPRESS WHEN I AM AMPED ;-)
How the fuckididdly fuck did I only just discover you now? Seems like we have some things in common!