Negotiating for Beginners
5 tips to get you started on a lifetime of getting what you want
Greetings, my fearless fucklings!
Today I bring you part two of two on “being difficult.” If you missed part one, here’s the link. (And if you never want to miss a post from me, do take a moment to join the No F*cks Given Newsletter, which is fifteen thousand fucklings strong, and counting!)
As I’ve previously established, I do not consider being difficult to be a bad thing, and I don’t think you should either—especially when it’s in pursuit of something you want, need, or deserve.
Last time, I gave you strategies and encouragement in re: asking for what you want and pushing back on what you don’t. And once you master that mindset, well, it would behoove you to learn how to press for even more.
That’s where negotiating comes in. Let’s discuss!
The act of negotiating tends to brand those who engage in it (or at least those who are good at it) as “difficult.” To which I say: if you don’t value your time, energy, and money, WHO WILL?
Whether we’re talking about your weeknight curfew, an extra personal day, or a better rate on a rental car, once you get an answer, it’s often absolutely AOK to ask whether the person on the other end can do better.
And remember that negotiating works both ways—not only in terms of what you’re getting, but of what you’re giving in return.1
To that end, here are five of my favorite negotiating tactics, which have gotten me everything from a better bottle of wine at the cheaper-bottle price, to a significant salary increase.
1) Ask the questions you’re not supposed to ask
The social contract helps prevent us from making one another uncomfortable, which is great if you want to enjoy a unisex spa without anyone staring pointedly at your naughty bits. But in a negotiation, it’s actually kinda useful to make the other party flinch.
For example, if you’re trying to get more money out of your employer (and you suspect that your colleague Dennis makes a LOT more than you for the same job), ask your boss straight out how much Dennis takes home, and whether they think you’re worth less. You may get nowhere; you may get market information that’s useful when you look for your next job; or you may get an I like your style, accompanied by a nice bump in pay.
2) Lay down the law
By trade, lawyers are tough negotiators, but you don’t need a JD degree to take advantage of one of their favorite strategies: asking for more than you know you’d ultimately settle for. If you do that, the person on the other side can give a little without feeling like they lost (and you can look reasonable for “agreeing” to less than you originally demanded).
This works in all kinds of scenarios, including nonbusiness ones. Want your wife to go to that 49ers game with you on Thanksgiving Day? Ask for season tickets and negotiate down!
3) Establish the precedent
If you have a friend who asks a lot (read: too much) of you on a regular basis, you can reference the last thing they asked you to do with/for them when you respond to the next request. Something like, “Unfortunately since I left work early to go to your Pampered Chef party last week, I’m not going to be able to hit up your one-woman show at the Haha Hut on Tuesday.”
(This one’s a little passive-aggressive, but so is your friend Debbie.)
4) Shock and awe
If your family thinks you’re “difficult” because you have an inflexible “no traveling with children” policy, then you could propose a deal: instead of agreeing to go on a Disney cruise this year for your niece’s sixth birthday, you’ll commit right now to taking her to Detroit to get her first tattoo when she turns sixteen. I bet you’ll get a counteroffer…
5) Take the shortcut
I understand the value of negotiating, but I also despise inefficiency. If I don’t have the time or desire to go back-and-forth on something, I just get comfortable with my own bottom line (and the fact that it might not get met), and then lay down an ultimatum, such as “I will pay [X amount] for the original codpiece worn by David Bowie in Labyrinth and not a penny more.”
If it doesn’t work, then walk away, Renee. And if it does, well, you might end up shelling out more than you technically had to if you’d gone through a true negotiation, but you had decided up front that a little more cash was worth a little less hassle.
Turns out, sometimes the person you’re really negotiating with is YOURSELF.
Boop.
All of the above tips—and much more on getting what you want, need, and deserve from life—can be found in my book You Do You. If you’re into that kind of thing, you can get the book HERE and/or peruse related posts below.
Until next time,
Sarah
As the Major League Baseball trade deadline approaches, it may be helpful for some of you to think about this in terms of what the Boston Red Sox should be willing to give up to another team in order to get LITERALLY ANY RELIABLE STARTING AND/OR RELIEF PITCHING ARMS, FFS.
Needed to read this today!